Jerry Springer
Jerry Springer
By Chichi
The Jerry Springer Show logo appears. The crowd is shown clapping as Jerry makes his
way onto the stage.
Jerry: Welcome everyone. Todays topic is My girlfriend left me for the man
responsible for my death. So lets get things started. I like you all to welcome Yamcha.
Come on out, Yamcha
Yamcha enters from the side and sits down.
Jerry: So, Yamcha, tell us about you and your girlfriend Bulma.
Yamcha: Well, we met when we were very young, like when we were in our late teens.
At first we were kinda enemies, but soon we became inseparable. We were madly in love.
Jerry: So what went wrong.
Yamcha: Well, a couple of years back, Earth was attacked by evil Saiyans from outer
space. Me and a couple of my friends tried to defeat them and sadly I died.
Audience boos
Yamcha: Anyway, Goku, a friend of mine, let Vegita, one of the Saiyans, live. Everyone
thought he turned good when he helped Goku out on Planet Namek after that, especially
Bulma. Soon after that, she left me for him.
Audience boos again.
Jerry: We have a surprise for you Yamcha. Lets bring out Bulma.
Bulma enters the stage and sits next to Yamcha. She is angry.
Bulma: Yamcha, why the (bleep) did you have to drag me on this god-(bleep) show. I
have a life to live unlike you.
Yamcha: Bulma, I want you back.
Bulma: Well you cant have me. Vegitas my man.
Jerry: Calm down everyone. Bulma, tell me why you left Yamcha.
Bulma: Cause hes a slut.
Crowd: Jerry, Jerry.
Yamcha: Shes a (bleep)ing liar.
Bulma: You should see him. He eyes any (bleep) that walks in the room.
Yamcha: Thats.....(he stops talking as he watches a female bodyguard walk bye) Can
I have your number, baby?
Bulma slaps him.
Bulma: See what I mean.
Yamcha: Thats just one person.
Bulma: Oh, hell no.
Yamcha: Name one.
Bulma(quickly): Marron
Yamcha: Oops, forgot about her.
Bulma: See. If I went with that mother (bleep)er again, hed cheat on me the first chance
he gets.
Jerry: Yamcha. What do you have to say about this?
Bulma (interrupting): He only liked me because he wanted some of this. (She rips of her
shirt and her bra. The crowd cheers. Yamcha starts to drool.)
Crowd: Jerry, Jerry!
Bulma starts swearing like crazy. Security guards grab her and drag her off the stage.
Jerry: Now thats over with, lets bring out her lover Vegita.
Vegita enters and sits down by Yamcha.
Jerry: Vegita, why dont you tell us why you killed Yamcha.
Vegita: Well, the little (bleep) got in the way of my plans to destroy the Earth.
Jerry: Why would you want to destroy the earth?
Vegita: Im a Saiyan, its what I do.
Yamcha: I cant believe I was left for this (bleep)ing psycho.
Vegita: What the (bleep) did you say, Yamcha?
Yamcha: Kiss my (bleep).
Vegita: (bleep) you!
Jerry: Calm down everyone.
Vegita: Hes just pissed of cause Im more of a man then he'll ever be.
Crowd begins chanting again.
Yamcha: Youre not even a man, youre a (bleep)ing monkey.
Vegita holds up his hand and fires a Big Bang Attack at Yamcha. It goes through his
stomach causing him to die.
Jerry: Holy (bleep)!!!
Vegita: Thats what you get for (bleep)ing with my girl.
Crowd: Jerry, Jerry!!
Jerry: Uh, well be right back after these messages.
Jerry Springer Show logo appears. Cut to commercials.
The Next Show
In a small studio, with about 15 rows of seats
stands a proud man. This man is a famous man, a
helpful man, this man sorts out other peoples
problems. This man is Jerry Springer, and this is
the Jerry Springer Show!
The crowd in the studio
are chanting the talkshow hosts name, as he walks
through the curtain out back, and into his problem
solving zone - the studio. The crowd cheer upon his
arrival, and he calms then down by lowering his
hand. There is silence. Springer has a microphone
is his hand, and is ready to speak.
"Today's
topic is 'I should have been the legendary super-
saiyan."
The crowd cheer, and chant Jerry's name some more.
He calms them down once more, and then starts to
speak again.
"Lets bring out our first guest, the prince of the
saiyans, Vegeta!"
Some music plays, and Vegeta walks into he main
studio from out back, then bows before sitting
down.
"Now Vegeta, you think that you deserved to be the
legendary super-saiyan. Can you tell me why?" asked
the talk show's god - Jerry Springer.
"It's not fair damnit! That f*** Kakarot got to be
the legendary super-saiyan, when it should have
f***ing been me! I am the one with the f***ing
royal blood line! It's just not fair damnit! I
could kill that idiot Kakarot!" shouted Vegeta at
Jerry.
"Well, you have shown your annoyance, now
lets bring out Goku, the legendary super-saiyan!"
said Springer happily.
>From out back walks Goku, with his golden blonde
hair and eyebrows which can only be kept like that
in his super-saiyan form. He does a small show for
the audience before scoffing at the sulking
Vegeta.
"It looks like he's jealous just because he can't
get any of the good stuff at home!" remarked Goku.
The comment enraged Vegeta, as he stood up and
started shouting in the face of his rival.
"F*** you Kakarot! I get more of the f***ing good
stuff than you'll ever get in your whole f***ing
life time! I will f***ing kill you Kakarot!" Vegeta
opens up the palm of his hand, ready to blast Goku.
A beam comes out, heading straight for the super-
saiyans face. There is a small explosion, and then
Goku is seen behind Vegeta. The audience laugh at
Goku's display.
"Oh Vegeta." Goku said quietly in his rivals ear,
chuckling as he does.
Vegeta turns round, and with a shock look in his
eye falls back. "What....how did you avoid my blast
you f***ing a$$!?"
Goku laughs some more. "Vegeta, it look like the
fact that you are small in all the places that
count are preventing you from focusing on your
aim." The audience laugh with Goku, and Vegeta
charges in again. This time he is caught by the
security guards, and forced back down into his
seat. Goku goes and sits in his own seat as well.
"It looks like you two have got some personal
problems between each other. Tell me Goku, why
should you have been chosen to be the legendary
super-saiyan?" interrogated Jerry.
"Well, I beat Vegeta in our battle back on Earth,
and that pussy died during our fight with the bitch
f***er Freeza. I kicked his a** without any f***ing
problem, where as our pin d**ked friend here died
as soon as he fought the strongest form." replied
Goku.
"Yo Jerry, I have a question for the short guy"
said an audience member.
"Vegeta?" asked Springer.
"Yeah, that's the one. Yo Vegeta, it sounds to me
like you are blaming Goku for your inner
obsessiveness with the psychological battle against
the proud biological warfare that you have created
being yourself" the audience member stated.
"Yes, I think I see where you're coming
from.......no, I don't. New dimension for you!"
said Vegeta as he held out the palm of his hand,
and frazzled the audience member with a ki blast
whilst laughing manically.
"That shut the bitch up" said Goku. "But she is
right Vegeta. You do try too hard to be better than
me."
"Is that what she was saying?" asked Vegeta and
Springer at exactly the same time.
"How should I know? I've got one of the lowest IQ's
in the world! I was only guessing" said Goku
looking extremely puzzled.
The audience nodded their agreement, as Jerry
walked along a row of them speaking almost under
his breath. "May I just say something please? I
think that you could become a far better fighter if
you could distinguish which was your right hand,
and which one was your left Goku" said Jerry as he
scratched his nose and swept past the row of the
audience.
"Shut the f*** up before I blast you into a new
f***ing dimension!" yelled Goku. The audience
begins to chant Jerry's name, and wave their arms
in the air. Jerry calms them down though.
"Woah, calm down Goku. Lets face facts though, you
aren't even the strongest fighter in the universe!"
stated Jerry.
"What!? Who's stronger than me?!" replied
Goku.
"Me" said Vegeta plainly.
"No you're not" said an audience member.
"Yes he is" replied another one.
"You lie! Goku is the worlds strongest fighter!"
shouted another audience member.
"Face the truth, Vegeta may not be big all over,
but he is a great fighter, even better than Goku,
despite the fact that he isn't even a super-saiyan
yet!"
"Hey! I got a huge thing in my underpants! Don't
make me get it out!" threatened Vegeta.
"You would!" laughed Goku.
"Oh yeah, you trying to say something Kakarot?"
asked Vegeta.
"Only that you're gay Vegeta!" replied Goku.
"I'm gonna kill you Kakarot!"
"Not if I kill you first!"
The two saiyans go at it, but before they can even
throw a punch, the security guards step in, and
force them down, back onto their seats.
"It seems that no one realizes that as soon as a
super strong bad guy is killed, another one comes
along." said Jerry.
"What?" shouted Goku and Vegeta at the same
time.
"Bring in Cell"
The audience claps as Cell walks into the studio.
He takes a seat slightly away from the two
saiyans.
"Damnit! He's right! I can sense the power on him!"
said Goku disappointedly.
"Yeah, I can sense it too, but we'll still beat him
somehow, we always do." replied Vegeta.
"I agree, even if you have got a pin d***, you can
still fight ok." said Goku.
"Would you drop that goddamned subject you dumb
f***! I'm bigger in that area than you could ever
hope to be!" shouted Vegeta, truly enraged.
"Er....excuse me, please could I have the pleasure
of getting a few words in?" asked Cell politely.
"NO!" yelled Vegeta and Goku sternly, as they both
shot a ki blast as Cells face, killing him.
"Now where were we? Oh yeah, pin d***!" yelled
Goku.
"Thick a**" countered Vegeta.
"Alright, calm down guys. I've got a secret to
reveal to you. Vegeta, you weren't the one destined
to be the legendary super-saiyan, and neither were
you Goku. Bring in Brolli!" said Jerry excitedly.
A huge, muscular man with the same sort of blonde
hair and eyebrows as Goku has. He sits down next to
where the corpse of Cell is.
"Brolli, please can tell them a bit about yourself"
asked Jerry.
"Well, I've been super-saiyan since I was born. I
am the legendary super-saiyan. Er........I will
probably get killed by these two in a few years
(points to Goku and Vegeta)" answered Brolli.
"Why wait a few f***ing years smart ass?" demanded
Vegeta as he charged in at Brolli.
"Yeah" agreed Goku as he followed Vegeta in. The
three super saiyans begin battling, wiping out all
security guards who try to stop them. The fighting
goes on, with occasional energy beams shooting out,
and decapitating the audience. Jerry is crouched
down behind some seats. "Get these f***s outta
here! They're f***ing crazy! Oh, the camera's on
me.....er...time for my final thought. Not everyone
can be a super-saiyan, but I'm sure Vegeta will
become one some day. You see, saiyans are all total
asswipes. The f***s don't know what they're doing,
and are too f***ing violent! Who cares who the
legendary super-saiyan is? What matters is that I
get out if here alive. Thank you, and good night."
said Jerry, in a caring voice. He goes over to some
of the corpses and shakes their hands, ducking out
of the way of the beams as he does so.
The camera cuts, and the fight ensues, but Jerry
runs out of the building shouting "Help get me away
from these f***ing maniacs!"
'As the lights turn on and the music plays, Jerry
walks out and the crowd is yelling.'
Jerry: Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. Today on out
show, we have a women that says she cheated on her
boy friend but now she wants him back, leta bring
out Marron.
Jerry: Welcome to the show Marron.
Marron:Thanks Jerry.
Jerry: So you broke up with Krillin and now you
want to get back to gether?
Marron: He is the only man who has ever understood
me.
Jerry:But didnt you cheat on him?
Marron: Shutup Jerry your not helping me!!
Jerry: Well, lets see how Krillin feals, Krillin
come on out.
'Krillin walks out and he sits down.'
Jerry: So Krillin, do you want to get back together
with Marron?
Krillin: I would love to, but I am already taken by
18.
Marron: Whos 18!
Krillin: My wife.
Jerry: This is starting to get good.\
Marron: If only she were here, I would teach that
B**** a lesson.
Jerry: Well have I got a surprise for you, 18, come
on out.
'As 18 comes out, Marron jumps up and trys to punch
18 in the face but 18 blocks the punch.'
18: So this is the b**** that you went out with
before me?
Krillin: Maybe.
18: Stay away from my MAN!
'18 lifts up her hand and makes a ki and blasts
Marron's head off.'
Krillin: Whoa!!!!!
'Krillin and 18 walk off the set and the show cuts
to comercials.'
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